Weekend Shenanigans

Summer weekends make my heart so full and happy.  The bright mornings, long warm days and cool nights are just perfect.  Add in family, church, friends and food and it's even more of a perfect combination.  This weekend was just that, a perfect combination.  Dance on Saturday morning, dinner with family Saturday night, breakfast out before church Sunday morning, Sunday school, Church then beach and a cookout with friends. 

I pray that this summer is full of  having a house full of family and friends, sweaty, filthy, sticky kids from playing hard and eating too much watermelon and too many popsicles, piles of dishes, chats with friends, playing catch and easy bedtimes.

Friday Photo Dump

This is how we spent our Memorial Day morning.  My father-in-law passed away in 2008 and was a veteran of the Vietnam War.  We go to the Veterans Cemetery every year to pay our respects to all fallen soldiers but this year was especially sentimental because it was the first year Olivia sort of understood what we were doing.  We explained that this is where Daddy's father is and that he's in heaven now with Jesus.  She looked at my husband so sincerely and said "Daddy what happened to him?", we told her again that he passed away and is in heaven and she said "aww Daddy I'm sorry." which sent us all into emotional overload. 

The best thing we bought for the summer was a zoo pass!  We've already used it a bunch of times and Olivia never gets sick of seeing all the animals.  This time we brought her Auntie Melanie whom she adores and we all had a great time. 

When did she become such a big girl?  Swinging "super higher" on a big girl swing...just in her diaper of course since it was so hot and muggy that day. 

Olivia is obsessed with sunglasses and has about 5 pairs.  These are her new favorites!

My little ballerina.  Her 1st dance recital is coming up soon and we can't wait! 

Happy Weekend!

Not my finest Mommy moment.

Do you ever question the kind of parent you are? The kind of mother you are being, the kind of mommy you want your child to remember? I talk with friends, my husband, my mother, overanalyze every decision, word choice, action, reaction, discipline etc until I just can't think about it anymore.

Olivia is in the middle of her 2 year old tantrums, she's not like this all the time. We have mostly good moments and good days but the times when she's misbehaves it seems like it snowballs from there and after working all day, parenting alone (my husband and I work opposite shifts), cooking, cleaning, trying to fit in exercise and play time I'm on "E" by the time 8 pm rolls around.

The days are long, I want to make the most of the sunlight but sometimes I just count the minutes until bedtime... Then, when she's asleep I can barely pull myself out of her room because of the guilt. Oh the overwhelming guilt I feel for everything. For wishing away the last 30 minutes until bath and bed. For raising my voice at her over typical 2 year old behavior. For not apologizing when I'm out of line. For asking her to play by herself so I can have 3 minutes alone and some personal space. For everything. For my words, my tone. For her apologizing to me for something so toddlerish that I shouldn't expect her to know better. 'I’m sorry mommy' are the most heartbreaking words. There's this fine line that I dance on all day long - being sure I don’t over discipline and at the same time not raise a brat. Balancing when to stand my ground and when to give in. Wondering is she going to hate me? Fear me? Remember her childhood as good or bad, happy or sad?

This weekend was a busy one. We were on the go since Friday morning and didn't stop until yesterday afternoon. Between grocery shopping, helping some good friends, dance, church, dance recital pictures and errands we were out of the house all weekend except to sleep. Olivia was giving me a hard time last night preparing for bedtime and my reaction wasn't my finest mommy moment. I was tired and frustrated and still had a bunch of things to get done before starting my work week. Her going to sleep was essential to me having a few moments to myself amongst the craziness and it just wasn’t going smoothly. She knew I was upset and then she said it. "I'm sorry I made you mad, Mommy."

I immediately started crying. I stopped what I was doing and scooped her up, hugged her tight and apologized for being mean. That is exactly what I was - mean. Mean to my little girl who was just reacting to her crazy busy weekend in the only way she knew how. Me, the Mommy, I'm supposed to be her safe haven, her soft place to land, her security when she needs me and I'm the one who's acting like a child by reacting, rather, overreacting to her typical 2 year old ways.

We hugged and kissed, I apologized only a million times, we prayed and she told me she loved me in between the giggles since she doesn’t know how to hold a grudge. I put her to sleep, left her room and went to bed myself. I couldn’t get her little voice saying those words out of my head. I felt and still feel horrible.

I prayed so hard for forgiveness last night. He entrusted my with this beautiful little angel and what was I doing? I know we all have moments like this. I know I'm not alone which is comforting but last night was different. I'm so afraid to break her little spirit. I pray that I learn to embrace all the little things that go wrong and realize that it's just part of life that they're not make it or break it moments.

I need to slow down, let things happen, understand that everything won’t always go according to my plan and most of all remember, she's only 2 and I'm only learning.

Day 9: A moment in my day.

Finally the warmer weather is here.  The sun is shining and the days are longer.  This has to be my favorite time of year.

My sweet Olivia and I have developed quite a fun little tradition - nightly Popsicle's on our front bench.  Every night after dinner we clear the table and it never fails, she heads right to the freezer and asks for a 'pa-zikle'. 

I scoop her up and let her choose her color, most of the time it's red!  Once we get to the front bench she scoots up next to me as I open her little snack.  We talk about our day and sometimes she holds my hand.  

When she's done, typically she surprises me by picking some flowers and finding some rocks and she loves when I get so excited about my presents!

I cherish these moments.

Day 7 - My biggest FEAR.

I can already tell, this is going to be a tough one for me to write.  Something about feeling it and then putting this down, pen to paper, is a lot to take in.    Today's prompt - my biggest fear.    My biggest fear.   As a mother I have so many worries, fears and concerns but this is supposed to just be about the biggest one, so here goes.  

  My biggest fear is dying.    Now, I dont mean dying after living a long fulfilled life at the ripe old age of 99, I mean dying young.  Leaving my husband without a wife and even more importantly my daughter without a mother.    Just typing that makes me tear up.  Thinking about my daughter having to go through this life, in such a scary place without security and love from me, her mother, makes my stomach turn.    I just can't let my mind go there for very long.    I can't imagine someone else taking my place.  I can't imagine my husband marrying someone else.  I can't imagine not being the one to teach my daughter all the important life lessons.  Teaching her how to be a good girl, a respectable woman, a Godly woman.    Teaching her about love, life, faith.   I can't imagine missing her first day of school, the father/daughter dances, seeing her off on her first date, helping her choose a wedding dress, just being there for everything.   I can't imagine missing out on the late night talks about life where I share with her about me and my life, my experiences, my mistakes.  I can't imagine her learning about me from someone else - as just a memory.   No one would ever do as good of a job raising her, teaching her, loving her as I will.   I can't imagine the sense of loss she would feel if I weren't around.  

I can't imagine missing all the good stuff that's to come.  I even can't imagine missing the bad stuff.      

1st Day of School!

That old saying that children grow up too fast is absolutely, 1000% true. I don't even quite understand how the time goes by at this escalated speed. I can't believe we're here and that this day came so fast. Wasn't it just yesterday that I was cuddling a 7 lb 13 oz little baby girl on our first days home as a family?

My baby, scratch that, my big girl is officially in pre-school, today was her first day!

We've been talking about it for over a week. Preparing her for the drop off, explaining we wouldn't be staying with her, that mommy and daddy had to go to work and that she would stay at her school like a big girl. We explained what to expect throughout the day - snack time, lunch time, nap time, lesson time, reading time, outside time. Everything.

Last night before bed I asked if she knew where she was going tomorrow and she proudly exclaimed 'I'm going to school like a big girl, all by myself!!'

She was ready! She woke up bright and early asking for her puppy lunch box and her pillow for nap time that she picked out. We had everything ready to go.

When we dropped her off she confidently walked right in, took off her coat and got to playing! We had to ask her twice for a hug and kiss before we left. She was just so excited! I peeked in the window before getting in my car and she was already intently playing with all the new toys. She spotted me, gave me a quick wave and went right back to what she was doing. I'm so proud of my girl!

Olivia Says

My sweet Olivia is 26 months old.  I really can’t believe she's 2.  I get this anxious feeling sometimes when I look at her and she just looks so big.  So much like a kid instead of a toddler or a baby.  It's true what people say, when you have children, the time just disappears.  I can’t even say it flies by, it's just gone.  Sometimes the difficult days seem slow and long but in the grand scheme of things, time is just going too fast and even though my daughter is only 2, I need it to slow down.  I wish she would stop growing, just for a little bit so I can enjoy each stage just a little longer. 

It's also true when people say that kids do and say the funniest things.  Here's Olivia's most recent funnies.

~ this past weekend my husband and I and friends were out to lunch.  Olivia was sitting on the booth next to me and she stands up, points across the restaurant and yells "look Mommy, it's SANTA!"  I turn my head and there's a man, and his wife, standing up ready to leave the restaurant and sure enough he has a long white beard.  He heard her and was laughing.  If yelling it once wasn’t enough, she did it again!  They laughed and waved and so did we, but oh my gosh.  Talk about embarrassing!

~ Lately she's been calling me little pet names.  Whenever I talk to her I usually say "baby or honey or sweetie so now when she talks to me she uses the same terms of endearment like "I love you Mommy honey."

~ she gives herself little pep talks when she's afraid of something or upset about something.  She's recently decided she's afraid of sharks, but not baby sharks, just mommy and daddy sharks.  I hear her talking to her baby dolls saying "baby shark is so cute, he's friendly, we hug him, mommy and daddy shark is big, we not afraid, we try not be afraid of mommy and daddy shark, we love baby shark so much honey."

~ I'm not sure where she picked this up but she likes to play "Super YaYa" (she calls herself YaYa).  She yells "Super Yaya!" puts her arms up like she's flying and runs around.  She also likes us to play Super Mommy, Super Daddy, Super Papa and Super Grandma.

~ The other day I was cooking and I said "Olivia, don’t touch the oven, it's hot.  You got it kid?"  I was just joking with her by saying "you got it kid" but now she uses that to answer everything I say.  Our conversations look something like this....

"Olivia, please don’t touch the dogs water ok?" 

"Ok, Mommy, I got it kid!"

She has us laughing constantly.  She's so funny and she knows when she's being funny because she'll put her hand over her mouth when she's laughing and double over as if she's laughing so hard!  I love this child more than anything.  This love, my love for her is so much, so big, so indescribable, so rich and full, so overwhelming, so scary, so amazing.   

A Child's Love

Before having Olivia (and accepting Jesus as my savior) I'm not sure that I ever really knew what it felt like to be on the receiving end of unconditional love.  Of course my parents love me, I've never doubted that, but it's a different feeling than when your child loves you, adores you. 

When you can do no wrong in their eyes.

There are so many conditions to most kinds of love. 

Couples fall in and out of love all the time. 

Relationships end, friendships part, parents are disappointed in their children, etc, etc, etc. 

All of those factors take little bits and pieces away from the true unconditional love that can be shared.  

It's no easy job raising a strong willed, has mind of her own 2 year old.  She's feisty and silly and mischievous and amazing all wrapped up into one little being that I love so fiercely.  I'm not a perfect parent and I have my moments where I lose my cool and yell while disciplining Olivia.  She pushes my buttons for sure and I can tell exactly when she's going to do it by her motions and the little smirk on her face.

Recently, when I was having a bad day already and she was having an

"I'm going to be bad today" day I yelled at her about something. 

I don’t recall if it was hitting the dog or standing on the table or dumping the dogs water bowl or...or...or... 

You know?  

One of those days when your 2 year old goes from one mischievous activity to the next almost seamlessly?  When you haven’t even finished cleaning up the first mess and she's already on the third? 

It was one of those days. 

Well, in the midst of my frustration and her craziness I yelled at her....

and in the midst of my yelling at her

...she says "Mommy?" 

...frustrated I huff "What Olivia???" 

...and in the sweetest little pixie voice she says "I love you Mommy." and gives me a hug.

In the middle of me being a less than good parent and taking my frustrations out by yelling,

she told me she loved me.  That is unconditional love.

So What! Wednesday

Linking up with Shannon at "Life After I Dew" today for her So What! Wednesday series.    This week I'm saying So What! if...   ~ I'm still feeling all warm and fuzzy after gifting two local families in need full Thanksgiving dinners.  Read more about it HERE.  Get inspired and do something for the greater good.   ~ I can't wait for Pie and Praise tonight at church and Thanksgiving tomorrow.   ~ I started cooking for Thanksgiving already to free up some room in the oven on the day of.  I made roasted butternut squash yesterday and oh my! it was delicious.  I wanted to eat it right then and there!   ~ Making a chocolate cream pie with Olivia yesterday took twice as long and was twice as messy but it was also twice as fun!!  This age is awesome.  She's so fun and funny and she gets super excited about little things just like I do and I love it!  This is my girl licking the leftover pudding.  She rocks!  

~ Olivia started saying "shut up!" and I was so, so appalled!  I blamed my husband, my mom and my dad...until I realized that it was me she picked it up from.  I don't normally say it in a mean way but more in the context of "no way!" type of shut up.  It has to stop because it sounds so horrible coming from my 2 year olds mouth.  I have to admit that I also say it to my obnoxiously loud barking dog... ugh.   That's all I have to say So What! to this week.  I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving.  I'll be back after the long holiday weekend!   

 

Time-outs and Potty Training.

This is what I saw when I walked into the church nursery after service on Sunday.     ...this is Olivia in the time-out chair.    Apparently she refused to keep her clothes on.  Highly inappropriate for church.  See, in the nursery there is a toddler bathroom with a half door that has a toddler size toilet and Olivia is obsessed with it.  She likes to "help" all the kids who are potty training and I guess she figured that if she kept taking her clothes off the Mom's working in the nursery would get the hint that she wanted to use the potty.    She did successfully go potty while at church so I figured I'd take advantage of her eagerness and interest and go with it.    After church we went straight to Target and bought her big girl Minnie Mouse panties!  She was so excited.  On the ride home we talked about going potty and wearing her big girl undies.   I put her new undies on her and she was so excited to show them off to Daddy, Gram and Papa.     She spent the rest of the day in her big girl panties, slippers....     ...and sometimes a tutu!   I'm so proud of Olivia.  This is a pretty big transition and she's doing an awesome job with it.  After each successful potty-ing she gets a ton of claps, praise and high-fives!  She soaks it in...which could explain why she went potty about 3 times in the first 10 minutes of wearing her new undies.    My girl is a rockstar - I'm so, so proud of her!   Now, if you'll excuse me, we have some reading to do.    

Weekend Recap - on Tuesday

Due to Hurricane Sandy and a downed telephone pole with live wires, my job was closed yesterday, hello surprise 3 day weekend!  Today though, we're back to business as usual... (I was really hoping for a 4 day weekend but who can complain?)   The hurricane did some damage to my local area but we were definitely spared the worst.  Praying for those of you who were hit directly.  Stay safe.   This weekend our local zoo had a Trick-or-Treat event for kids.  They got to dress up, go to the zoo, see the animals and trick-or-treat all at the same time.  We met some friends of ours there and spent the day together.  I'm so grateful for these friends, we all have girls who are around the same age and they all go to the same dance class and have fun playing together.    With the forecast of rain and Hurricane Sandy making her appearance, I'm so glad that we took advantage of this zoo day so Olivia didn't miss out on wearing her costume and participating in trick-or-treat!   

Olivia with her friends P & A



Checking out the animals

     We're hoping for a nice day tomorrow so we can attend the Trunk-or-Treat at our church.    Happy Halloween!!!  

Sleep update - Night 1

Thank you for all of your awesome responses from yesterdays post!  I received a variety of comments with all different suggestions, which just goes to show you that no one thing will work for every child and it was a great reminder to stay open minded and try different things with Olivia if my original plan didn't work.    All day yesterday I talked to Olivia about going to bed like a big girl.  I explained that Mommy wasn't going to be able to lay down with her but I'd sit in her room and she shouldn't be afraid.  During our conversations she did get a bit upset and cry at even the mention of going to sleep but I know it was just nerves from the stressful experience we'd had the past few nights.    After dinner I gave her a bath, got her jammied up, read some books and gave her a drink and brushed her teeth all while still talking about going to bed like a big girl.  I knew she was tired and I didn't want to chance her getting overtired so at 7:30 we said our goodnights to everyone, gave hugs and kisses and went into her room.  We said our prayers and I had her get into bed herself.  I turned on her sound machine, sat beside the bed and turned off the light.  She did ask me once to lay down but I gently reminded her that she was going to bed like a big girl.  There were no tears shed, she turned over, got comfy and fell right to sleep.  I waited about 5 minutes and was able to get up off the floor and walk out of the room with no problems!  She woke up earlier than normal at 6:30 but that's simply because she went to sleep so early...and she was probably so much more rested since bedtime wasn't a screaming, crying battle.  Night #1 was a success.       My method for putting her to sleep will be to stick with not getting into bed with her but sitting by her bed and gradually moving closer and closer to the door, away from her bed.  I need her to be confident enough to go to sleep on her own.  I know she can do it.    Now, let's all say a little prayer that this easy bedtime routine continues!  ......Amen.  

Bye Bye Binky.....maybe.

When Olivia was around 20 months old, my husband and I decided that it was time to take her binky away.  We prepared her all day by telling her to say "bye bye binky".  She did well with it, she understood that it was gone.  Come bedtime she asked for it a few times, cried a bit and then fell asleep.  Two days later she came down with a horrible virus and all she wanted was her binky.  I caved and gave it back to her which was a horrible idea.  She went back to wanting to carry them around with her all day long and I decided that she just wasn't ready to give it up yet. 
  At her 2 year well baby visit her pediatrician suggested that we take it away for good.  We followed the same method and prepared Olivia all day by saying "bye bye binky".    Come bedtime it took her a little longer to fall asleep but I thought we were golden ....until midnight when she woke up.  My husband and I got her back to sleep until 2am. when she woke up again.  and again.  and again.    This went on for 4 days.  Sleepless nights and miserable days from being so tired. She just couldn't stay asleep without her binky.  So, we caved again and gave it back to her for bedtime only.    Think what you will but everyone in our house needs their sleep.  Olivia was miserable because of not sleeping, she was acting out because she was overtired, I was so tired at work, had a headache for 4 days straight, my husband was exhausted etc etc etc.  If I've learned one thing being a parent it's that you truly have to do what's best for you and your family.  I honestly could care less if Olivia uses her bink to sleep at night.  I'll tell you that since the night I gave it back to her, she's fallen asleep faster and stayed asleep all night every night.  In the grand scheme of things, she is only 2 years old and she's still a baby.  She doesn't use the binky during the day and she talks more than any other 2 year old I know.    Joe and I have just decided that taking away her binky isn't a battle we are ready to face right now.  Call me crazy but I think she looks so adorable with her binky in anyways.  I mean, look at this face!  

 

A Minnie Mouse Party!

When I started planning Olivia's 2nd birthday party I knew right away that I would have to go with a Minnie Mouse theme since she loves her so much.  Olivia's excitement when she saw the final result after all the balloons and decorations were up didn't dissapoint and I knew that I made the right choice. 
  The Minnie theme started when my awesome photog friend Jenn took Olivia's 2 year pictures and I found the most adorable prop - Minnie ears.  The pictures came out great, here is one of my favorites.  

I used my other favorite picture for her invitations that I had custom made on Etsy by Maddie Rose Designs.  She was great to work with and the whole process was super easy.  She sent me an attached file, I sent the pictures to CVS and picked them up in an hour.  The only thing I had to buy separately was the envelopes. 

  I kept the decorations pretty simple.  I made a pinterest inspired Minnie Mouse head picture banner and hung it on our dining room window.  It included a picture of Olivia the day she was born, a picture from her 1 year photo shoot and a bunch of my favorite pictures from her 2nd year.     I followed the theme of pink and black so we had tons of matching balloons and a couple store bought decorations here and there including a "happy birthday" banner, Minnie noise makers and a bunch of Minnie stuffed animals from Olivia's collection placed around the house.   

We used a pedal car that my dad, Olivia's Papa, bought for her

as an decoration with Minnie Mouse as the driver. 

It was adorable! 

I took a few pictures of Olivia in the car as well. 

She loved it! 

The party was filled with family and friends. 

It warmed my heart to be surrounded by people who love our girl so much. 

The day was spent playing and talking and catching up with family

we haven’t seen in a while.  We ate good food and yummy cake,

opened presents and sang "Happy Birthday!"

 

Olivia loved everyone and had a great time!  While we sang "Happy Birthday" Olivia was BEAMING with excitement and pride. 

She knew that it was for her and I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. 

As I was kneeling next to my big girl smiling from ear to ear

I just started crying with such joy because she is an amazing little girl. 

She was just so proud and happy and excited!

 

Here are a few more pictures from the day.  I didn’t capture many because I was so focused on being present and in the moment and I didn’t want to be behind the camera.

              ...and last but not least, I want to remember all the awesome things about my girl at age 2...