When faith escapes you.

Faith is a funny thing, well, for me it is. It's been almost a year that my family has been consistently going to church, surrounded by like-minded faithful people (for the most part) and reading the word.

Depending on the circumstances, a year can seem so long or like it flew by. In this case it's the latter. I've made some amazing friends over the past year and so many people have embraced us and prayed for us and loved us when we were struggling and I'm so so thankful that God placed those people in the exact right spot at the exact right time for me.

Over the last few weeks something is off. I feel disconnected? I think that's the right word. I've been slacking on reading my bible, slacking on praying and even slacking on attending church (mostly for weather related reasons but still).

For me, church and Sunday school are necessary to revive me for the upcoming week and the everyday stresses that come along with life. I need to be there on Sunday morning and Sunday evening listening to our pastor preach the bible . I need to hear the message that God has placed on our pastors heart and I need to hear the message intended for me that day.

So, that being said, what's keeping me away? What's causing me to feel disconnected?

I'm not 100% sure but I think it has to do with feeling frustrated with myself and my lack of self worth. What I'm forgetting though, is that I am worth it to God. I'm lovable and worthy of His love, even when I don't love myself. That's such a hard concept for me to understand. To grasp. I wonder how He can love me when I mess up, time after time? How can He possibly forgive me for all of my many shortcomings? Why am I so important to Him but not important to myself?

Questions like this forever plague my mind. I'm a thinker. What I've been doing lately is thinking these thoughts but leaving out something huge, PRAYING about these thoughts. I need to pray to clarity and peace of mind. Pray for help with my self esteem and self worth. Pray to have just 1/100th of His love for myself. Pray for understanding about this path He has set me on. Pray that I'm following what He wants me to do and pray that I'm making a difference in the world.

I'll be praying today.

On Giving

Lately I've been feeling the nudge from God to give. Give more time, money, love, possessions, etc. It's not that I wasn't a giver before, but before there were wrong intentions behind my giving.

It all started back in November. Right before Thanksgiving. That time of year, that season in general, always pulls on my heartstrings. I think of people who are less fortunate, who can't provide for their families, who struggle and it saddens me. As our family is easily planning our large Thanksgiving dinner I realize that there are families out there in my very own community who aren't and can't do the same thing.  Then I had an idea and THIS HAPPENED.

Since then its been little things that I've wanted to give. My husband and I bought new furniture for our daughters big girl bedroom and had to get rid of some odds and end pieces that we were using in her room before. We had planned on selling them. Listed them on Craigslist and received some replies, set up a meeting time and place and then once again felt the nudge to give. We felt we were being pushed to not take money for these items just give them away. So we met up with the people who planned on purchasing the furniture from us and we did just that, gave them away.  We gave of ourselves because we felt pushed to do so by God.

It's also been little things here and there, paying for the order in the drive thru behind me, doing a chore for my husband and vice versa, watching his favorite show on tv instead of mine (sometimes!).

Most recently my heart was so touched by this encounter. Driving home from work on a cold day I see a young mother with two children - a toddler and a baby, no more than 6 months old. She's walking down a busy main street holding her daughters hand and carrying her baby. She bends down to pick up and carry her toddler who is obviously tired from walking uphill. Immediately I feel the need to give her my stroller.

I'm stuck at the red light and I'm having this conversation with myself all in the matter of minutes...

"I'm crazy! Give her my stroller?"

"We barely use it."

"But what if we need it?"

"Olivia always wants to walk so it should be fine, right?"

"It's expensive!" 

"What should I do?"

"She'll think I'm crazy pulling the car over!"

But in those few minutes I knew that God was telling me to do it. To give.

So, the light changed. I drive down the street she's on, pull over, get out and offer her my stroller. She was so appreciative, thankful and humble. In the end she doesn't need it, she has one but can't take it on the city bus. She thanks me and I head home.

I guess the point of this, of me writing it all out, was to try to make some sense of WHY I'm bring pushed and nudged to give. I've been praying about it, to show me why, to help me understand the purpose, for Him to put the right people in my path, to make sure I always give the glory to God.

I guess there are certain things we just won't understand and maybe this is one of them. But, in the meantime, whether I understand His ways or not, I'm going to keep listening.

Profession - Part 2

Check here for my post yesterday about the journey that got us to this awesome day.  Our baptism day!

My emotions were running high all morning.  I was nervous, excited, anxious, grateful, humbled...but most importantly, I felt blessed.  Blessed to be here, in this spot, receiving this beautiful gift with my husband.  Being baptized together as a couple in front of our church family.

The morning flew by, getting everyone up, dressed and out the door for church didn’t leave much time to dwell on what was coming.  We went to breakfast as a family and prayed together for our approaching baptism.  As we sat in Sunday school my mind kept drifting off thinking about what was coming.  How it would go, how everything would play out.  All the details. 

After the 15 minute "almost time for service to start" bell rang it was all I could think about.  The amazing women in our Sunday school class all shared encouraging words as I grabbed my bag to leave which completely put me at ease.  Joe and I went to the baptistry and into our respective rooms to get ready.  This is when my emotions really took over!  Being away from Joe I was wondering what he was feeling and just wished I'd kissed him before we separated to get ready.  I put in my robe and waited while listening to the choir praise Jesus with their beautiful songs.  Joyce was in the baptistry with me helping me through the steps to ensure everything was seamless.  She talked with me the entire time to help keep my nerves at bay. 

When it was time for us, we walked out and I had a moment of tears.  Tears were shed for so many different reasons.  For the people who weren’t there, who didn’t come to support us.  Tears for our amazing friends who did come, tears for the people who helped us on our journey, tears for the amazing sacrifice Jesus made for me, tears for the future, for being blessed and able to raise Olivia to know Jesus.  Joyce and Jacquie saw me emotional and immediately prayed with me.  Their beautiful words lifted me up to the Lord and as quickly as the tears started, they stopped.  A peace came over me and I was calm. 

Our pastor spoke and I watched my love, my husband get baptized and then it was my turn. I walked into the baptistry water (of course I almost slipped going down the wet stairs)and pastor Glen shared a bit of our testimony to our church family.  While he was speaking I was surrounded by so many people who have helped me along in this journey.  In front of my stood Jacquie, Joyce and Amanda, behind me Pastor Glen and my husband, across the balcony was Renata and on the main floor Sarah and Ken.  All of which have encouraged, loved and prayed for us!  God certainly put these people in our lives for a reason.   

Then, as my husband stood to my pastors right hand side, I was baptized!

I am so happy, humbled and proud of my husband and myself for making this decision for our family, for Olivia and for our future.

After church service we were approached by so many people with hugs and congratulations!

The day was perfect and the love of Jesus was most certainly present and pulsing inside the walls of our church!

Profession

It's difficult for me to even put into words the experience I shared with my husband this past Sunday, January 20, 2013.  Together we outwardly shared an already inward change with our church family.  Together we took one important step in being obedient to the Lord and doing the right thing for our family.  Together.  That was the best part.  We did this together. 

Not even a full year ago my husband and I visited this church on a whim.  Church shopping was what we called it.  Little did I know what the Lord was going to do to our hearts.  Through this church we have met some of the most amazing Godly people who have embraced us and have truly had a hand in changing our family. 

That very first day as we sat through the service, moved to tears by the music, we filled out a visitors card, left the church and decided we'd be back to try it again.  We loved the music and the message but at that point we didn’t know what our future held, the plans God had already laid for us.  We had no idea how our lives were about to be changed.  From the visitor card I received a phone call asking me how we liked the service, if we'd be back?  At that time, I wasn’t ready to commit to anything.  I constantly procrastinated and made up excuses why I couldn’t talk or wasn’t interested or ready.  Jacquie didn’t give up.  She kept calling and kept trying to get through to me.  As the phone rang one day while I was in the car I saw it was the church number again and I was ready, so ready to tell her to please "just leave me alone". 

I answered and in an instant my heart changed.  We talked for 2 hours about life, family, faith, my past, my husband, my daughter, everything.  I made a commitment to meet with her the following Wednesday so she could answer my questions and questions I certainly had.  I made a list, a long list and that Wednesday she answered every single one.  That Wednesday I was saved.  I accepted Jesus into my heart, I confessed that I was a sinner and could only be saved by accepting that Jesus died on the cross for me and my sins. 

That Wednesday, July 11, 2012 was the start of this beautiful transformation in our lives.   

We began a discipleship program to learn about Christianity and so I could be re-taught things that I'd learned incorrectly before.  Then, in September, my husband was saved.  He started discipleship with one of the pastors and we began this journey together.  We learned and grew as husband and wife, as parents, as Christians.  We made changes to our lives to remove the sinful and learned how to live a more Christ-like life.  We made mistakes and still leaned toward sin but we prayed to do better and confessed our sins to Jesus.  We made conscious decisions to try harder to be better for Him, our family and ourselves. 

This Sunday was the culmination of all those changes, prayers and discipleship lessons.  This Sunday we finally made the outward profession of our inward change.  We were baptized! 

I have so many details I want to share about our experience.  Check back tomorrow for the rest!

An outward expression.....

...of an inward change.    Turns out I am ready - well, we're ready to take the plunge (pun intended!) and get baptized!  I've discussed my new found faith - not sure how much longer I can call it new - a few times before on here but most recently the idea of baptism was presented to my husband and I and for some reason I was totally nervous, shell shocked, not ready.  (If you want to read more about that, go here.)   ...or so I thought.   It's funny how God works on your heart when you pray to Him about your concerns or fears.  It had been about 2 months that I was concerned about making this decision.  I had reservations deciding if this was the right thing for me and my family.  I was worried that my family who wasn't following the same path would be mad that I'd changed religions and left the Catholic church.  I was worried that I didn't know enough, wasn't a good enough Christian and wasn't seasoned enough in the faith to do this.   What I didn't take the time to think about is that I'd already made a change.  I was a different person before going to church and being saved than I am today and there's only one explanation for that and it's Jesus.  I live my life a totally different way than before.  I live to please the Lord.  I live to honor Him and show the world His light.  I'm different.    Something that really struck a cord with me and made it click was when one of the pastors at my church said "Baptism is an outward expression of an inward change."  Boom - got it.  The change was already done.  I've been changed since July 11, 2012 and now I get to outwardly express this change in front of my church family this coming Sunday!  My husband and I will be baptized this Sunday January 20, 2013 and I'm so, so honored, humbled and excited!   Please pray for us as we take this awesome step in our faith journey.   "Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen."  Matthew 28 :: 19-20  

Merry Christmas!

One angel declared the news that gave the whole world a reason to REJOICE!   "A savior has been born to you; He is Christ the LORD!" Luke 2:11     Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas.  Rejoice in the birth of our savior.  We will be praising Jesus and enjoying each moment with our families in His holy presence.  

Fears

Since the tragedy in Newtown, CT my mind has been overcome with thinking of the 26 lives lost that day.  As a mother, I can’t even wrap my head around how the parents felt when they received that emergency phone call, how they felt when they were waiting and waiting to be reunited with their children, how they felt when their child never came and how they felt when they were told their children didn’t survive. 

That's every parent’s worst nightmare. 

I can’t even let myself think about it for very long because it's consuming me... but yet my mind keeps wandering there.  Thinking of those children, teachers and staff, their families and loved ones, Christmas without them, the presents they probably already had waiting for them under the tree.

I'm not even directly connected to anyone affected by the CT shooting but it's deeply affected me as a mother.  I feel like this tragedy has given me anxiety and I'm pretty sure I had a panic attack while I was at work yesterday.  I'm afraid of being away from my husband and Olivia for any amount of time.  I'm afraid that something will happen to one of us and we won’t all be together.  I'm afraid I won’t be able to protect my daughter.  I'm scared to go to the store because of a possible crazed gunman planning his attack.  ...but yet at the same time I know logically that I can’t live my life in fear like this.  I can’t control everything, God is in control, I know that, but it's not making this any easier. 

This world is a scary, scary place. 

It's even made me reevaluate things that I do naturally.  When you have a child I think you typically draw attention to yourself.  People tend to strike up conversation and start to talk to Olivia all the time.  I always encourage her to say hi, tell them your name etc.  Is that wrong?  Do I need to be fearful of people in general?  Should I just nod smile and keep moving?  It's this awkward place of wanting to be friendly and kind but yet not wanting to put myself or my child in danger. 

I hate having to even think about things like this.

I'm so thankful that Olivia doesn’t go to daycare or school yet.  I can’t even imagine how parents dropped their children off the following Monday morning after the shooting.  They must have been terrified. 

Olivia is home all day with her father while I'm at work and home with me when my husband goes to work.  I know she's safe being with a parent at all times but it still makes me panic when I call my husband during the day and he doesn’t answer, he's probably cooking or playing with Olivia but I can’t help my mind from going there.  From thinking the worst and immediately my anxiety is elevating and my emotions are on edge.  Yesterday I drove home and talked to my husband a good portion of my drive.  I knew that he and Olivia were ok but when I walked through the door and saw their faces I broke down in tears.  I felt relief that I was home, safe with my family. 

I've never experienced anything like this before and I'm praying that it passes and God will give me the peace my soul needs. 

I saw this video on the Today's Show and I loved the message.

http://todaynews.today.com/_news/2012/12/18/15975855-26acts-of-kindness-you-can-do-right-now?lite

How do you combat evil?  With good.  Do a random act of kindness for a stranger.  This always helps me feel better so I'm hoping that it will this time too.

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18

 

Done being PC

Sorry, I'm not sorry.  Stop reading if you're offended easily.

I'm done being politically correct and having to tip toe around the fact that we're celebrating CHRISTMAS, not a holiday.  It's a CHRISTMAS tree, not a holiday tree.  In my state, our governor has deemed the tree in the state house a holiday tree in order to make everyone happy  

...BUT there's a menorah in the state house too. 

No one is calling the menorah a candelabra, are they?   

  

People find it disrespectful to call a Christmas tree a Christmas tree.

Well, what about the people who find it disrespectful to call a Christmas tree a holiday tree? 

Isn’t the tree part of the Christmas celebration? 

If people don’t want to celebrate Christmas then why would they put a Christmas tree up anyways? 

I don’t celebrate Hanukkah so I don’t have a menorah, simple as that.  Now, if I did want to have a menorah, I wouldn’t disrespect the Jewish community and call it a candelabra.

Now let’s get a little deeper here... if you don’t believe in Jesus then why celebrate Christmas in the first place?  Christmas is the celebration of Jesus' birth.  The birth of our savior.  So, again, if you don’t believe in it then why celebrate that holiday?  Christians don’t celebrate non Christian holidays so why are non Christians celebrating Christian ones?  If we start there then it could remove all the other unnecessary crap. 

I have an issue with people who don’t believe in God trying to turn the celebration of Christ's birth into a secular holiday.  And it's not even about the tree, it's about people trying their hardest to remove

CHRIST from CHRISTmas. 

How does the world get so far off base?  How do you start with a religious holiday and turn it into a day to focus solely on ripping open presents and not even have one mention of the true meaning of the day, of the season, of the reason?  Shame on them. 

Now I understand that people all have different beliefs and that's fine by me.  I know the truth and that's what I live by, but how dare the non-believers try to take one of the most precious days in all history and turn it into something that it's not and take the focus away from the true reason.  Jesus' birth is a historic event, he's not some made up character from a fairy tale, yet people are trying to demean it.

In my house we celebrate Jesus, not Santa.  We talk about the reason for the holiday, Olivia knows that the reason she receives presents on Christmas is because we're celebrating the day that God gave us the greatest gift of all, his son.  His son who was born, lived and died for us and our sins.  We minister on Christmas and serve food to the homeless.  We donate toys to shelters and pray for people and mankind.  We do all these things in Jesus' name, to honor him. 

I guess the moral of the story here is this - in my house, we live the truth.  No one can take that away from me.  But, if I run into you in the store during this CHRISTMAS season, you won’t be getting a "happy holidays" from me, I'll be proudly saying "MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

(there have been a few events that have triggered this post.  I'm not sorry if you're offended because I've encountered many situations where I've been offended and I feel this needed to be said)

Baptism & Hesitation

I've talked about my faith before in bits and pieces.  It's something that still new to me.  I wonder if I'll always feel this way or if I'll ever feel comfortable with the amount of stuff I know, my relationship with Jesus and my actions, sins and prayers.  I don’t know.  Every day I struggle with little things, doubts and questions.  It's because I'm still learning, but partially because I'm a thinker. 
I over think and over-analyze everything.

I was saved on July 11, 2012 and I am firm in my beliefs.  I believe that Jesus is my savior and he was born, lived and died for all of our sins.  There's no question in my mind about this. 

My hesitation comes in when I think about taking the next steps, baptism.  I was supposed to be baptized in November with my husband but I asked for it to be postponed.  I was baptized as an infant in a Catholic church, but Christians don’t believe that this 'counts' since it wasn’t something I chose to do.  With baptism comes church membership and while I love our church I have this funny hesitant feeling about taking this step.  I think that part of my worry is that my family doesn’t believe in or really support what we're doing.  They are non-practicing Catholics and have no interest in coming to church with us or even going to their own church.  This makes me feel bad because the way I grew up, in a Catholic baptism it's a celebration.  The baby is baptized and there's a family gathering afterwards and it seems strange to me to go to church, get baptized and then go home as if nothing happened.  Not that I need to have a party or anything but some acknowledgement would be nice. 

Maybe I'm a little bitter because I don’t have their support?

Maybe a piece of me feels like it's disrespectful to my family that I'm choosing a different religious path?  Even though I know that this is the right thing for me, my husband and Olivia, it's been made clear that since they were "born Catholic, they'll die Catholic" and part of me feels like they expect the same from me. 

I've been praying about it, but I'm not quite there yet. 
Have any of you had the same hesitation?  What did you end up doing about it?

Pray for me to gain clarity in this area.

(Please know that regardless of my family's lack of interest in my faith I still love them deeply and don't judge their decisions about their faith.  I guess everyone has to do what feels right to them.  I just don't want this to come off as me soudning like I think I'm better than them etc.)

A (late) Thanksgiving Recap

Life has been busy with work and a death in the family which has

kept me away from the computer and blogger for over a week. 

Let's back up to Wednesday night, Joe and I went to "Pie and Praise" at church. 

It was beautiful to hear everyone's testimonies and listen to all the various blessings

and trials that people are thankful for this year. 

I felt moved to speak and it was an emotional experience. 

I thanked God for my and my husband's salvation. 

He's changed our lives this year, my husband and I were both saved within 3 months

of each other and now we're a Christian family raising our daughter to know Jesus. 

To me, that's amazing. 

Olivia's life will be radically different than if God hadn’t done work in our lives and hearts. 

So, I thanked Him publicly for our salvation. 

Thanksgiving day we had dinner with my parents, mother-in-law, sister-in-law and nephew. 

Olivia had a blast playing with her cousin and the food was delicious!  Of course Olivia wouldn’t know that the food was good because I couldn’t get her to eat anything besides a roll!  Kids.

Joe and I did a little shopping on black Friday but NOT in the middle of the night!  We enjoyed the rest of our long weekend at dance, a play date with friends and their kids, church, shopping and more church! 

Now, it's time to start decorating for Christmas!

(I didn't take any pictures on Thanksgiving, I'm so bad with remembering to take the camera out!)

A Thanksgiving Blessing - x 2

The holiday season always makes me mushy and weepy for many reasons but one of which tugs at my heartstrings like no other.  People.  Just a general love and worry and care for people.  Less fortunate people who have to worry where their next meal is coming from, how they'll support their family, how they’ll provide basic necessities that many, including myself, take for granted.  As I was writing out my shopping list for Thanksgiving dinner yesterday my mind drifted to those people.  People I don’t even know.  People who could be making the same list yet simultaneously crossing things off that they can’t afford.  At this point I prayed for God to give me an idea, something to do for the greater good, to glorify Him.  I picked up my phone and texted my husband saying that I wanted to buy a turkey for someone in need.  We discussed my thoughts and he was excited about the idea too!  He posted the following ad on our local Craigslist's free section...

 

...and within minutes we received two responses.  We only planned on buying one turkey but we just couldn’t ignore that second email.  The first email came from a woman whose husband had passed away earlier this year and her daughter also hit hard times so she was living with her daughter and two grandsons and was barely making ends meet.  The second email was from a disabled father who supports a family of 4 on his disability income and couldn’t afford a turkey. 

We contacted both people, got their addresses and headed to the grocery store. 

What started out as buying one turkey, turned into two turkeys, 10 lbs of potatoes, 4 boxes of stuffing, 4 jars of gravy, 4 cans of cranberry sauce, 2 pans to cook the turkey in, 2 cans of corn, 2 cans of peas, 2 cans of green beans and 2 apple pies!  My husband and I also felt moved to include tracks (or pamphlets from our church to share the Gospel) in the bags. 

We were able to provide two full Thanksgiving meals for families in need and share God's word.  What an awesome feeling it was go deliver these meals and meet these amazing people.  Both families were extremely thankful and surprised that what started out as a turkey ended in much more.  They both said "God bless you and your family" to us and we left each home feeling encouraged that they'd read the tracks we included.  We prayed for both families last night and plan to reach out to them by email on Thanksgiving to wish them a happy holiday. 

"Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God." 
- Hebrews 13:16

We've decided that this is going to be a family tradition.  We want to teach Olivia to have a kind heart to all people.  To help people in need and to do it for the right reasons, to honor God.   

"Whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God" - Corinthians 10:31

 We hope that this will inspire more people to reach out in your local community to help someone in need.

 

Vote - Election 2012

This year, voting has taken on a new meaning to me. 

Now, living for Jesus, my entire purpose is to do everything to glorify God. 

~ Today I will vote with Him on my heart.  

~ Today I will not forsake my beliefs. 

~ Today I will vote for the candidate who believes that each life is valuable

and here for a purpose from the moment it's conceived. 

~ Today I will vote for the person who believes that He is our King and I pray that whoever wins this election has an open heart to the Lord and seeks His will when running our country.

This world is such a jaded place and the one solid rock that I have to stand on when I have nothing else is my God.    There are 4 words that have been on my heart while listening to the debates and sermons at church.  "ONE NATION UNDER GOD" This nation was formed on the foundation of God and we wouldn't be here without Him.  Why is the world so determined to remove Him from the equation when He is the answer and the way? 

  

 

Jesus has stood by me faithfully, how shameful of me to not stand by Him. 

 

Double Dose

For the first time yesterday, we got a double dose of church.  Every Sunday we spend from 9:30 - 12:15 at Sunday school and our morning service but we've never gone back for the nighttime service.    It was the first Sunday of the month so our church had the monthly Lord's Supper and since we've never seen it before, Joe and I were interested in going.  We had an early dinner and headed back to church for 5:30.    The service was awesome, it was so refreshing to get another solid hour of worship and praise, especially at night so it was even more fresh in my mind at the start of the week.   Joe and I aren't yet baptized members of the church so we weren't able to participate but it was so informative to watch and learn just how important and serious taking the communion is.    We got a double dose of worship, music, fellowship, praise, messages, time with Him and bible study.    Needless to say, Sunday night service is part of our new routine.  

Fears - Let Go and Let God

(this post is prompted by 2 blogs I read, both of their daughters were just diagnosed with brain tumors.  Please lift the Wecks family and the Skelte family up in prayer.)   Before I had Olivia I used to worry about things, but I never knew the true meaning of what it felt like to really worry.    After you have a child, there's a part of your heart walking this earth outside of your body.  Exposed to things that you can't control with the possibility of coming into contact with sickness, hurt, danger, bad people...the list goes on and on.  Right after Olivia was born the fear and anxiety I had was so bad that I spoke to my ob/gyn about it and was diagnosed with post partum anxiety.  I knew that it was a mix of my hormones, having a new baby and no longer being able to protect her safely in my womb.  I also knew that the severity of my PPA would pass but it would never fully go away.    It wouldn't go away because there will always be new situations and experiences I'll have to face as a parent that will makes me a little uncomfortable... first day of daycare or school, leaving her with a new babysitter, letting someone else take her in their car, going to a friend's house... etc.     I spoke to my mentor at church about this and she challenged me to trust in God and believe in His plan for us and our family.  Regardless if I want or even feel like I'm in control, the control is ultimately the Lord's.  For me, this was a hard concept to grasp.  Being a newly saved Christian, I lived the last 29 years of my life my way, by my rules and yes I believed in God but I never knew or had this deep of an understanding of what and how I was supposed to trust and rely on Him.  I've been challenging myself to really trust God in this area lately.  Taking steps to let go a little more and trust that His plan for us is perfect.  I know that life won't always be easy and there will be bad or unfortunate things that happen but in the grand scheme of things, it's part of His plan.  His plan for us is good, His heart is kind and He doesn't want to hurt me.    I will worry every second of every day for the rest of my life about all things involving my daughter.   My greatest love is walking around outside of me, a piece of my heart is on its own.   You see so many horrible things happening around you, how can you not worry.   It's just such a difficult balance to step away from my worldly fears and trust in Him, but I'm learning.    What these families are going through is unimaginable to me.  The fear, pain and heartache that I feel just from reading their stories scares me to death.  What would I do if that was my daughter?  Would I be able to handle it with grace and truly trust Jesus to help me through?  Could I really step back and trust in God's great plan?  I'm not really sure and I know it would be so, so difficult, but what I do know is that I absolutely would not be able to do it without Him.   ...please pray for these families in this difficult time...  

I'm not the same me.....

I hear these people asking me How do I know what I believe? Well I'm not the same me And that's all the proof I need All This Time (Britt Nicole)  

This song has been on my heart for some time now and this part perfectly describes where I am in life at the moment. 

 

I'm not the same Me anymore, because I'm His.  I'm adjusting to life as a Christian. 

 

My husband and I made a decision to follow Jesus and raise my daughter to do the same.  We have been saved and accepted the Lord into our hearts and are learning to live by His word.  It's been quite the adjustment and we've received our fair share of judgment from friends and family who don't believe the same things we do, but, we are confident in our decision.  Funny how it really wasn't our decision but part of God's plan.  We know we are doing the best thing for our family.  Our lives have changed. 

 

Life looks different when you're walking with Jesus.  

 

I'm still new at this.  I'm learning how and praying for guidance to be a better Christian, wife, mother, daughter etc.  I still make mistakes and I still sin.  I'm nowhere near perfect, but I know that I'm loved and He died for me and my sins and I have forgiveness.  All of these things make me so humbled.  

 

I will share more about my journey to being saved and accepting Jesus.  I sit back and wonder how I got here and really, I dont know.  .