Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Baptism & Hesitation

I've talked about my faith before in bits and pieces.  It's something that still new to me.  I wonder if I'll always feel this way or if I'll ever feel comfortable with the amount of stuff I know, my relationship with Jesus and my actions, sins and prayers.  I don’t know.  Every day I struggle with little things, doubts and questions.  It's because I'm still learning, but partially because I'm a thinker. 
I over think and over-analyze everything.

I was saved on July 11, 2012 and I am firm in my beliefs.  I believe that Jesus is my savior and he was born, lived and died for all of our sins.  There's no question in my mind about this. 

My hesitation comes in when I think about taking the next steps, baptism.  I was supposed to be baptized in November with my husband but I asked for it to be postponed.  I was baptized as an infant in a Catholic church, but Christians don’t believe that this 'counts' since it wasn’t something I chose to do.  With baptism comes church membership and while I love our church I have this funny hesitant feeling about taking this step.  I think that part of my worry is that my family doesn’t believe in or really support what we're doing.  They are non-practicing Catholics and have no interest in coming to church with us or even going to their own church.  This makes me feel bad because the way I grew up, in a Catholic baptism it's a celebration.  The baby is baptized and there's a family gathering afterwards and it seems strange to me to go to church, get baptized and then go home as if nothing happened.  Not that I need to have a party or anything but some acknowledgement would be nice. 

Maybe I'm a little bitter because I don’t have their support?

Maybe a piece of me feels like it's disrespectful to my family that I'm choosing a different religious path?  Even though I know that this is the right thing for me, my husband and Olivia, it's been made clear that since they were "born Catholic, they'll die Catholic" and part of me feels like they expect the same from me. 

I've been praying about it, but I'm not quite there yet. 
Have any of you had the same hesitation?  What did you end up doing about it?

Pray for me to gain clarity in this area.

(Please know that regardless of my family's lack of interest in my faith I still love them deeply and don't judge their decisions about their faith.  I guess everyone has to do what feels right to them.  I just don't want this to come off as me soudning like I think I'm better than them etc.)

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3 comments:

Meg G said...

My mom was raised in Irish Catholic - catholic elementary and high school. She was saved when she was 36, and none of her family supported her. They all think she is "one of those crazy Christians". But she stands firm in her faith and I think just her living her life is the biggest testimony for her unbelieving family members.

I believe you will know when it is right to get baptized. There will be a peace in your decision. I'll be praying that for you.

And I got baptized when I was 13 and the "pool" in the church was that size of a hot tub but the heat wasn't working - it was SO cold! But I have to say, it was a coolest feeling after I got baptized. I felt like I was flying.

Callie Nicole said...

Hmm, that's a hard situation- I can understand you not wanting to make your family feel like you are rejecting them. The purpose of baptism though is just that its meant to be a public declaration that you've decided to follow Jesus. Chuch membership doesn't necessarily come with it, even though in your church they may accept you as a member after you are baptized there. But you don't have to emphasize that to your family - they are already aware of your decision to accept Christ, right? This is just the public declaration of that decision. Thats what its about. Maybe even if they still don't want to be a part of it you can make it a celebration with your husband and daughter - like go out to eat afterward or do something else that's special? Praying for peace about this for you!

Jess @ Wrangling Chaos said...

My dad's family is Catholic. So Catholic that my family tress has Pope Pius XII on it. So I totally understand where you're coming from on that.

I was raised in the born-again, spirit-filled church. I was baptized at 7, my choice, and remember it like it was yesterday. I went to Christian High school, and spent a semester at a Bible College studying theology, so I'm pretty solid in my understanding of scripture and Christian theology and precepts.

That said? I don't think one or the other is right or wrong. I don't think that you have to be baptized in the church as a born-again Christian in order for your faith to be valid or legit or true.

I think baptism is a PERSONAL decision. Something you choose to do, and if your heart isn't quite there yet? If you still have that "eh, not yet" feeling? Then you wait. You wait until it's right for YOU, because when it comes down to it, faith is about you, Jesus, and your heart. That's it.

So do what you feel is right, in your heart, WHEN it's right. There's no timeline. :)