Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Day 7 - My biggest FEAR.

I can already tell, this is going to be a tough one for me to write.  Something about feeling it and then putting this down, pen to paper, is a lot to take in. 
Today's prompt - my biggest fear. 
My biggest fear.
As a mother I have so many worries, fears and concerns but this is supposed to just be about the biggest one, so here goes.
My biggest fear is dying
Now, I dont mean dying after living a long fulfilled life at the ripe old age of 99, I mean dying young. 
Leaving my husband without a wife and even more importantly my daughter without a mother
Just typing that makes me tear up.  Thinking about my daughter having to go through this life, in such a scary place without security and love from me, her mother, makes my stomach turn. 
I just can't let my mind go there for very long. 
I can't imagine someone else taking my place. 
I can't imagine my husband marrying someone else. 
I can't imagine not being the one to teach my daughter all the important life lessons. 
Teaching her how to be a good girl, a respectable woman, a Godly woman. 
Teaching her about love, life, faith.
I can't imagine missing her first day of school, the father/daughter dances, seeing her off on her first date, helping her choose a wedding dress, just being there for everything.
I can't imagine missing out on the late night talks about life where I share with her about me and my life, my experiences, my mistakes.  I can't imagine her learning about me from someone else - as just a memory.
No one would ever do as good of a job raising her, teaching her, loving her as I will.
I can't imagine the sense of loss she would feel if I weren't around.

I can't imagine missing all the good stuff that's to come.  I even can't imagine missing the bad stuff.


Sarah and Stewart said...

I've been reading a lot of people's posts for today's challenge, and it seems like death is the overwhelming theme of the day. It's nice to know that our shared fear of death isn't irrational.

LaShawn C said...

We share the same fear & for the same reason. I am glad to know I am not alone!