I can already tell, this is going to be a tough one for me to write. Something about feeling it and then putting this down, pen to paper, is a lot to take in.
Today's prompt - my biggest fear.
As a mother I have so many worries, fears and concerns but this is supposed to just be about the biggest one, so here goes.
My biggest fear is dying.
Now, I dont mean dying after living a long fulfilled life at the ripe old age of 99, I mean dying young.
Leaving my husband without a wife and even more importantly my daughter without a mother.
Just typing that makes me tear up. Thinking about my daughter having to go through this life, in such a scary place without security and love from me, her mother, makes my stomach turn.
I just can't let my mind go there for very long.
I can't imagine someone else taking my place.
I can't imagine my husband marrying someone else.
I can't imagine not being the one to teach my daughter all the important life lessons.
Teaching her how to be a good girl, a respectable woman, a Godly woman.
Teaching her about love, life, faith.
I can't imagine missing her first day of school, the father/daughter dances, seeing her off on her first date, helping her choose a wedding dress, just being there for everything.
I can't imagine missing out on the late night talks about life where I share with her about me and my life, my experiences, my mistakes. I can't imagine her learning about me from someone else - as just a memory.
No one would ever do as good of a job raising her, teaching her, loving her as I will.
I can't imagine the sense of loss she would feel if I weren't around.
I can't imagine missing all the good stuff that's to come. I even can't imagine missing the bad stuff.