Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Sometimes & Always

Today I'm linking up with Megan over at Mackey Madness for her Sometimes & Always series! 
Sometimes my neck and shoulder hurt so bad so I go to the chiropractor and
I always feel better the next day.
Sometimes I want to kick my dog off the bed at night because she's small but takes up SO much room, but, I always let her stay because I feel bad making her sleep alone.
Sometimes I think I should cut my hair all off and keep it shoulder length, but I always stop myself because it took me forever to grow it and it would be such a shock!
Sometimes I get so caught up in a book that it's hard for me to stop thinking about it, and I always talk about said book with whoever will listen!  (my most recent favorite is The Help)
Sometimes I miss Olivia SO SO much while I'm at work, (actually I always do) and I always get so happy to see the look of sheer excitement on her little face when I get home every day!

Monday, January 30, 2012

My Worst Mom Moment Yet...

This weekend was hard.  My husband and I rarely see each other as mentioned in this post,
and I think it's really starting to take it's toll.
Saturday we were discussing finances and other random
things that matter when you're a married couple and it turned into an argument. 
We were both getting frustrated and angry with each other and we let our frustration
get out of control. 
I didn't want to argue with a baby on my hip so I put her in her bedroom to play while we sorted things out. 
We're both quite stubborn so neither one of us wanted to budge.... it lasted about 30 minutes. 
But those 30 minutes we're pretty intense...
...now, I know people argue but we made a promise to never expose our daughter it. 
So, Olivia played alone in her room for 30 minutes. 
That may not sound horrible but when we gave up and gave in,
I went into Olivia's room and my poor girl had fallen asleep on her floor. 
When I walked into her room and saw my angel asleep on the floor
my heart broke into a million pieces and I started sobbing.
I felt like a horrible mother
My husband and I were being selfish and took time away from our
daughter to argue about something we really shouldn't have let escalate in the first place.
I picked Olivia up and put her down in her crib. 
She finished her nap where she should have been,
but when she woke up, she was upset. 
Really, really upset. 
She woke up crying and she never does that. 
My girl usually wakes up talking and laughing, but this time, she was scared and sad.
Olivia shouldn't have had to hear us argue. 
She was probably afraid in her room because we were upset and
God knows babies sense tension so I can only imagine how upset that made her. 
It took us a while to calm her down.   
Believe me, this is not my best Mom moment. 
I'm still feeling guilty about it but let me just say, LESSON LEARNED. 
I will NEVER, EVER allow that to happen again.  
This was my worst Mom moment yet.   

Friday, January 27, 2012

TGIF & Randoms

This week has been   l  o   n  g  and I only worked 3 out of 5 days.....
I'm glad it's Friday and I can spend the weekend with my little family. 
I really miss spending time with my husband. 
We work opposite shifts and talk once a day,
when I'm on my way home and he's on his way to work and my Mom is watching Olivia. 
It gets trying to say the least. 
Sometimes we're lucky enough to pass each other on the road, beep and wave. 
He's asleep when I leave for work and I'm asleep by the time he gets home
so Saturday and Sunday are really our only time together as a family.
By having this schedule, it saves us from daycare costs and Olivia gets to stay home with each of us,
but sometimes I wonder if it is not as beneficial as having us parent together. 
Today marks 4 years ago that my father in law passed away. 
Today is a REALLY hard day for my husband. 
I cant imagine losing either of my parents. 
My husband took the night off from work so he didn't have to stress
about being there when his mind is elsewhere.   
It doesn't help that I'm honestly no good in these situations.  I can NEVER find the right words. 
I hate seeing my husband upset and I know that nothing I do can make it better...
It's almost like the white elephant in the room. 
When I said bye to him this morning, I didn't know if I should mention it or say nothing. 
Not knowing what to say, I said nothing and then felt like a loser all the way into work.
One of the things that really bothers us is that my father in law never got to meet Olivia. 
That kills my husband. 
They would have adored each other.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

So What! Wednesday.....

Today I'm linking up with Shannon @ Life After I Dew for So What! Wednesday.
Today I'm saying So What! to a lot of things... ready, set, GO!
...if I took Monday and Tuesday of this week off as last minute vacation days? 
I needed to recharge.
...if my husband and I cleaned our room from top to bottom yesterday
because it was a DISASTER?
...if we bought a cheap & semi-ugly bed in a bag set to finish off the room since we needed a new look in there... seriously, it's dorm-room-ish.
...I'm obsessed with InstaGram - find me under user name Camarogirl819
...if I still use Camarogirl819 as my username for everything.  I've used that name since I was 15 years old and my first car was a cherry red 1986 Camaro!  The good old days!
...if I cheated on my diet yesterday and had a Reese's peanut butter heart... it was delish!
...if I have 2,600 pictures in my iPhone? 
...if 99% of them are of Olivia...she's cute!
Go over and check out Shannon's blog and link up for So What! Wednesday.  She also has a question today about blog hosting that I can NOT answer, maybe you can???

Thursday, January 19, 2012

The Value of Friendship?

I had this friend, we'll call her Jane.
We'd been friends for a long time.  7 years to be exact.
We'd been there for each other through so many life changes, career changes, college major changes.
My marriage and the birth of Olivia.
The end of her long 13 year relationship.
Her mothers cancer and fathers drinking problem.
My Grandmothers death.
My father in laws death.
Moving back in with our parents.  Her starting a new relationship.
Relationship problems.  Family dynamic changes.
The list goes on and on and on.  Seriously.  I could go on for days.
But, one day, in November 2011, I guess she saw fit to end our friendship. 
Her way of doing that?  Pressing the "delete friend" button on Facebook.
After all these years and life changes and tears and laughs and coffee dates and shopping trips and babies born and weddings... that was her answer. 
When I realized that Jane was no longer my Facebook "friend" I thought there had to be some mistake. 
I messaged her, called her, texted her numerous times. 
I called her boyfriend to try to get some answers and finally got some info. 
She was upset with me. 
Why you ask?  I have NO idea.
I still don't know why.
I finally got a text response from her in December and was told that she was
busy with mid-terms and would contact me after the studying died down. 
I've never heard from her again. 
I'm at a crossroads now.  
I don't know whether to keep pushing the envelope and trying to contact her or just let it be. 
A part of me is upset with her too. 
Why didn't she value our friendship enough to CALL me and TALK to me
and let me know that she was upset about something? 
How does an 7 year friendship go down the drain just like that?  Just by the click of a button. 
Now, I'm hurt. 
At first I was angry that I wasn't approached. 
Now, I feel like my friend died.  I feel like I never got to say good bye. 

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

So What! Wednesday

I'm linking up with Shannon @ Life After I Dew for So What! Wednesday.
Today I'm saying So What! if.....
...I bared my soul in yesterday's post and it felt so good to get all my struggles out of my head!
...I contemplated deleting yesterdays post about 386,973 times.
...I'm obsessed with trashy reality TV, my favorite being Teen Mom 2.
...I need a new hair straightener since like 2 years ago but haven't bought one because I never do my hair.
...I'm going to buy a new one this weekend because I need to do more for myself.
...I put Olivia down for a nap yesterday and she slept for 3 hours...and so did I.
...I wore jeans and sneakers to work today because it's cold and I wanted to be comfy!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012


As this past new year approached I had some things in mind for myself to change. 
One being my eating habits.  It is more of a need than anything. 
I've been headed towards a place with my weight that I'd rather not venture to again.  
A little background for you (we're about to get very real here....) 
In 2007 I had Gastric Bypass surgery to help me lose weight. 
I was at a place in my life that it was medically necessary. 
I was over 400 lbs and had tried every single diet and failed miserably. 
I'd lose and gain, lose and gain. 
Nothing was working, so my doctor recommended it,
I had a trillion medical tests done to make sure I was physically and
mentally ready for the surgery and in October of 2007 it was done. 
I spent the next 2 years of my life losing a ridiculous amount of weight,
in excess of 200 lbs and I finally felt GOOD! 
Fast forward to December of 2009, I got pregnant. 
During my pregnancy I gained an astronomical amount of weight and
was sure it was just because of the pregnancy and
I'd easily lose it after Olivia was born. 
I was WRONG.
Today, 15 months after Olivia was born, I weigh more than I did when I was 9 months pregnant.
I feel awful.  I feel like a failure. 
I feel disgusting.  I feel like a bad mother.
So, with the start of 2012, I promised myself and my family that I'd do something about my weight issue, again
I officially started watching every.single.thing I put in my mouth a week ago and it's working. 
I've lost 5.4 lbs in 7 days. 
Now, the beginning is easy.  I get it. 
It's when you plateau that you need to dig in your heels, grit your teeth and keep pushing forward. 
I've been there.
Today though, when I weight myself I felt a mix of emotions.  I am grateful for the 5.4 lbs lost, but looking forward, I want to lose at least 100 lbs. 
That's a LONG way to go. 
I felt overwhelmed and defeated.
I started doubting myself.  Can I really do this?  Why bother when it's such a huge mountain to climb? 
Those thoughts of doubt could certainly derail my efforts in a second. 
So, this is why I'm posting here.  I need to be accountable. 
I need to document this and be able to look back and reflect on these
very real feelings in order to move forward and continue with this journey. 
For myself, for my daughter and my family. 
I need to do this if I want to be around to watch my child grow.  
I hope that you wont judge me for where I've been, where I am or where I'm headed.  This is sure to be an interesting journey as I try to lose the weight I've lost before.  
I really hope and pray that I can stick with it for life this time. 
One of my biggest fears is that Olivia will have to endure the same weight problems I have. 
I'll do anything in my power to prevent that and I think it starts now

Monday, January 16, 2012

Cold Weather and Toddler Entertainment...HELP!

It's cold in New England... like seriously cold. 
It's winter after all so it should be cold but when you have a toddler,
there's only so much time you can stay in the house and just play. 
She gets bored, my husband and I get bored. 
It's not much fun to play with the same old toys or watch
Mickey Mouse 3 times or fill the bathtub with toys or read books all weekend long.
My husband and I have been trying to come up with things to do that don't cost a small fortune. 
Luckily we are able to get into several museums in Boston with our work
badges for free which saves us a TON of money but, it's an hour drive each way.
This weekend I thought going to the mall playground would be fun
for Olivia but there were a lot of older kids there playing
kind of rough and she's only a baby and I was afraid she'd get hurt.  So we turned around and went back home to play with the same old toys, watch Mickey Mouse and fill the bathtub...
...any suggestions for fun things to do with toddlers in the cold weather?

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Lunch with my toddler

Yesterday I had an early day from work so
I had the bright idea to ask my husband to take Olivia
and meet me for lunch before he went to work.

I'd been dying to try this Mexican place so we figured this was the perfect opportunity.  
Off we went.  

The second I put Olivia in her highchair, it was all over. 
She was pissed
She cried and tried to climb out and get us to pick her up.

Thankfully the waitress brought over some tortilla chips that we could
munch on so that bought us a whole 5 minutes of quiet.
But as soon as she was done with the chips she was back to her crabby self. 

Now, this is a new occurrence, she's never, ever been difficult to take anywhere. 
Lately, since she started walking, she wants nothing to do with being confined to a highchair.

But, she also isn't old enough to know to stay with us at the table
and not randomly eat things off the floor, so putting her down isn't an option.

Lunch finally came.  I ordered the dish I'd been craving,
steak and Gorgonzola tacos with Mexi rice and a corn muffin.
(tastes good hot, disgusting cold)
Olivia got chicken and cheese quesedilla.
Score right? chicken & cheese, cant go wrong!
She wanted NO part of it. 
My husband thought ordering her some plain chicken would be a better idea...
So add six more bucks to the bill of uneaten food.
Now we had 2 kids meals that both went to waste. 

90% of her food ended up on the floor (which we did clean up)
and she mainly just cried the whole time.

I seriously think that going out to eat with our toddler is over. 


Wednesday, January 11, 2012

So What Wednesday!

Today, for the first time, I am linking up with Shannon @ Life After I Dew for

So What Wednesday!

I've been reading her blog for a couple of months now and I assure you, you'll love it!

This week I'm saying "so what if..."
  • last night I was so tired, I curled up on the floor and dozed off while Olivia played around me.
  • the only reason I woke up is because she dropped a book on my head.
  • I went to sleep at 8:30 and left the dishes in the sink for my husband to take care of.
  • I'm considering taking a vacation day on Friday to have a 4 day weekend.
  • I put my hair up in a bun this morning because I couldn't be bothering fixing it.
So, what are you saying "so what?" to today???


Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Exploring the Museums

My husband and I work for the same company
and one of the amazing benefits they offer is free admission to several local museums. 
Over the past 3 weeks we've visited
(all for free admission!!!)

Let me tell you, these places are FUN!

Here's some pics from our visit to the Providence Children's Museum!

In the 4-way mirror
Olivia's favorite - the water room!

Playing with the fake rocks and tonka trucks.

Playing "house"

Playing "store"

This was our first time taking Olivia to the museum. 
She loved it and so did we! 
Needless to say, we'll be back!


Friday, January 6, 2012

Olivia is 15 Months Old!

My sweet girl is 15 months old.  Here is a highlight of some things she knows and loves to do!

Girlfriend has started climbing everything lately. 
She's particularly interested in the blinds and tries her hardest
to reach the choking hazard cord all the time.

She loves this little book called "100 First Animals"
She got it for Christmas and hasn't put it down since. 
She points to all the animals and asks "what's that?" in the sweetest little Minnie Mouse voice.

She knows the sounds that elephants, dogs, cats, owls, guinea pigs and lions make
and she says them when I ask.

Her favorite picture in the book is the Spider... 
She loves to sing "the itsy bitsy spider" poor girl is sure to be
traumatized when she realized what a spider really is!

Her favorite place to get into mischief is the dogs water bowl. 
She constantly circles it in an attempt to plunge her chubby little fingers into the water. 
When she's on her way to the water bowl and hears us coming she always walks
a little faster to try to beat us there...and most of the time she does!

She loves Elmo and Mickey Mouse and becomes entranced by the shows on TV when we let her watch.

She loved looking at Christmas lights this year and we took her to
LaSalette Shrine to see their display called the Festival of Lights. 
It was so pretty!

Here's my husband and Olivia in front of their gorgeous Manger.

You bring such joy to our lives. 
You have us laughing all the time with your funny ways! 
You're so inquisitive, always asking "what's that?" 
You certainly keep us on our toes too with all your climbing and water bowl playing! 
You're the sweetest little soul.  You are so gentle and loving. 
You are so generous with hugs and kisses and we love to receive them! 
You love talking on the phone and playing with all electronics. 
You've unprogrammed all the remotes in the house countless times. 
You put Pepere's cell phone in his slippers and you steal the cordless phone by the bed all the time!
We love you more than words could ever describe!  Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you. 

Thursday, January 5, 2012

The Food Battle... dun dun dun

Olivia has been giving me a run for my money, literally, with all the food that's been wasted lately. 
My normally great eater has been turning up her nose at everything
that isn't bread, a cracker or a potato puff.

She's totally a one hit wonder. 

If I only offer her one food, say, chicken, she's fine. 
But once there are options like chicken, green beans and a slice
of Italian bread she only wants the bread. 

Last night dinner was sirloin tips, veggies and a few potato puffs (for my carb loving ass  soul). 
I gave Olivia about 3 or 4 small bites of steak and once girlfriend spotted the potato puffs it was all over. 
Any bite of steak was turned away. 

I tried putting it on her fork and letting her feed herself...she handed it back to me
I tried putting it on her highchair tray...thrown to the dogs
I tried hiding it behind a small piece of potato puff...she spit it out

So, do I feed her one food at a time starting with the
most important foods and leave the table clear of everything
else before she's eaten a good amount of healthy foods? 

Do I trust that her breakfast and dinner are 100% healthy because
that's our only option and let her eat what she wants at dinner?

Since having Olivia, one of my biggest fears for her was having a weight issue. 
I've dealt with one my whole life, as has my mother,
and it's NOT something I want Olivia to ever have to worry about.

I think this is kind of a wake up call to me though. 
Maybe we don't need the potato puffs or Italian bread on the table at all. 
For any of us. 


Wednesday, January 4, 2012

2011 Reflections

A little late but what the heck...

As 2011 comes to a close there are so many things that I'm grateful for this past year. 
Most importantly, 2011 was my first full year as a mother and as a wife. 

Let's recap, shall we?

~January 2011~
Olivia was baptized
Last month of maternity leave

~February 2011~
Hubby celebrated his 28th birthday
Went back to work full time

~March 2011~

~April 2011~
Olivia's 1st Easter
Easter dinner with The Degnan's

~May 2011~
Celebrated my 1st Mother's Day
Olivia's 1st trip to the zoo

~June 2011~
Celebrated Marissa graduating from highschool
Hubby celebrated his 1st Father's Day
Olivia's went to her 1st baseball game

~July 2011~
Olivia's 1st 4th of July
Olivia gets her 1st tooth

~August 2011~
I celebrated turning 28
1st family vacation to Old Orchard Beach Maine

~September 2011~
Trip to the New England Aquarium in Boston

~October 2011~
Celebrated Olivia's 1st Birthday!!
Olivia went Trick or Treating for the 1st time

~November 2011~
Olivia's 2nd Thanksgiving
Olivia starts walking!

~December 2011~
Celebrated Olivia's 2nd Christmas
Olivia starts RUNNING!
Started blogging regularly

So, as you can see, I didnt keep track of everything as nicely as
I'd have liked to last year which is why I'm grateful for blogging now because
one of my goals for 2012 is to document our lives a bit better!

I have so many future posts in mind but I've been feeling under the weather
and havent uploaded any pictures to my home computer so they are on hold for now.


Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Sometimes & Always 2012

Linking up with Megan at Mackey Madness today for the 1st Sometimes & Always of 2012!

Sometimes - I wish that I could just shut off the alarm clock and stay in bed super late.
Always - I get up on time because let's face it, money needs to be made.

Sometimes - I wish my dog wasnt such a bed hog...
Always - I wish my dog wasnt such a bed hog!!!!!

Sometimes - I have grand plans to clean out my closet and donate clothes that I NEVER wear.
Always - I procrastinate because... "what if I need that shirt someday?!?"

Sometimes - I think to myself "self, you havent had a cold in a long time..."
Always - I wake up feeling horrible the next day (I need to remember to knock on wood)

Thats it for today's link up.  Like I said, I'm feeling under the weather today
because just this weekend I commented on how I havent been sick in forever... go me!

Happy Tuesday.