Friday, May 31, 2013

My 6 Week Break

I wonder when I'll realize that I never know best, He does.  

I've written about my faith journey, finding my church, being saved and baptized (here and here) before and recently I thought that I needed a break.  A break from church, from the routine, from the Sunday morning Sunday school and service.  From fellowship.  From God.  

My week is busy, my husband and I each work full time and work opposite shifts, have family obligations, dance class for Olivia, grocery shopping, errands, friends etc.  so when I felt overwhelmed about 6 weeks ago I felt like I needed a break from something and I decided to skip church. 

 As I sat back relaxing that warm Sunday morning I watched the clock.  9:59 I remember thinking that we'd usually be settling into Sunday school - the Shipmates room, talking, drinking coffee, having a snack and getting ready for our lesson.  As the time ticked by I distracted myself with different things.  Glancing at the clock again it was 11:15, just about the time the worship music would be ending and we'd start the service in prayer.  A little pang in my heart told me that I knew I was missing something I loved so much.  The joyful noise that fills the room when the band starts playing and the choir starts singing gives me goosebumps every week and where was I?  At home missing it.  The day went on and I tried to not think about how this Sunday was the first in over a year that I'd missed church.  As the day ended I'd convinced myself that it was no big deal.  

The week went on and then Sunday came again.  I didn't go to church that Sunday either.  Against my better judgement I decided I still needed a break.  For the next 4 weeks I did the same thing.  Mother's Day was mixed in there, my mothers birthday, Olivia had a cold - all reasons I told myself that missing church had to happen.  That it was ok.  

Within these past 6 weeks something's changed though.  I've been irritable, easily frustrated, not praying as much, arguing with my husband over little things.  Doing all the things I do less of when I actually go to church, when I'm in the word, when I get refreshed by his grace each Sunday morning.

So many women from church reached out to me over these past 6 weeks and I love them for it.  Messages saying 'I miss you and the family, are you ok?, Can we pray for you? Do you need to talk? I'm thinking of you and praying for you!'  Each one made me smile and feel a little bit of regret and shame at the same time.  
This past week I knew that we needed to go back.  Being away for 6 weeks had done enough damage.  I'd missed enough lessons, bible studies and time in His presence.  I woke early on Sunday morning determined to go and Satan surely put every obstacle in my way.  My daughter being a bit fussy, spilled drinks, feeling tired and even a flat tire on my way there.  But, we made it. I felt such a peace as I pulled into the parking lot and fell right back into my Sunday morning routine.  The routine I thought I needed a break from felt so familiar and comfortable.  

All of my friends welcomed us back with open arms and hearts.  

It's funny that I took a break because I felt overwhelmed and too busy, little did I know He's my reprieve and my rest.



Michelle Earl said...

He is faithful and no one can pluck you out of His hand, not even our silly selves. :)

Jodi said...

Laura, what a beautiful post. Let me just say, I've been there, done that. You put into words what I've felt many times, and sometimes still do - ugh! (satan's hand is in it, that's for sure)
Thanks for sharing. It helps with the guilt and shame to know I'm/we're not alone. xo

Melissa said...

This was so sincere. And sweet. And awesome! God is good & faithful.

I went to church faithfully all my life - and then after we got married, we got tired of church & stayed home. At first it was nice staying home, spending quality time with my husband. And then i started to REALLY MISS CHURCH! We hadn't found the right church home for us, but now we have & I LOVE IT. Such a time of rest & refreshing in Him. Glad you have good church people too - who check on you without judgement, who welcome you back with open arms. :)