Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Weigh in Wednsday - Bad habits



Linking up with Erin and Alex today for Weigh in Wednesday.  I actually did not weigh myself this week because I messed up.  I need some time to recoup and get my mind back in a good place regarding this journey. 

It's so easy, so very easy, for bad habits to come creeping back in without even realizing it. This past week/weekend were hard.

We were slammed with a blizzard and in preparation of being snowed in we did some grocery shopping. I made the big, huge, gigantic mistake of 'picking up a small box of chocolates'. You know the heart shaped boxes for Valentine’s day? Yea, those. Well, in my mind I totally justified it saying that I'd only eat one and it was no big deal, they weren't for me - they're for everyone else, I don't even WANT them. Who did I think I was fooling? Guess where those chocolates are? That's right, they're gone. All gone. Because I have zero self control.

And in an effort to keep it real around here because who am I fooling, I also had some Fritos. Want to know why that was justified? Well, ready for the biggest lame excuse of the year? I had to stop at a local convenience store for eggs. They were $3. The store has a $5 minimum debit card transaction. The (2 bags) Fritos were .99 each. Perfect right? Fat Laura thought so... So they came home with me - only to be gone the very same day. No moderation. No portion control. No second thought until it was too late.

So, now that I've admitted it, thought about it, felt guilt over it, let food control me AGAIN, now what do I do? Well. The old Laura would let this be the very first step down a slippery slope of complete self destruction... But now? That's NOT me anymore. Did you hear that Laura? That's not you anymore. You will not let this ruin you. You will not be the victim of your own self sabotage again. You will not let this be the mistake that sets you off.

I will let this be a very big lesson. I am not ready to have 'just one' of anything. It’s just not in me. I'm not ready to allow myself to cheat. I haven't earned that right yet. I will not let food win. I will not go back to where I was on December 31, 2012... Even though its only a measly 14 lbs heavier I will not go back there.

And even as I typed that I haven't earned it - why the hell would I want to earn a food reward? This thinking makes no sense. Why does food have control over me like this?

I wish I had an answer to that.



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4 comments:

Alexandra Nicole said...

Wait till you read my post. we had the same week girl....why oh whyyyyy.

Shesabigstar said...

Goodness, we really are at the same point this week... ughh, so frustrating but I really believe we're going to keep being tested like this until we get it right!

Kaitlyn's Life and Blogs said...

Self sabotage is the worst. :( YOU GOT THIS!!!

bailey j said...

MEASLY 14lbs?? thats amazing!! you have something to be proud of - VERY proud of! definitely do not let these slips up stop you because honestly, there will probably be 50 more and it's not about falling, its about getting back up! you got this, woman!