Friday, November 2, 2012

Fears - Let Go and Let God

(this post is prompted by 2 blogs I read, both of their daughters were just diagnosed with brain tumors.  Please lift the Wecks family and the Skelte family up in prayer.)
Before I had Olivia I used to worry about things, but I never knew the
true meaning of what it felt like to really worry
After you have a child, there's a part of your heart walking this earth outside of your body.  Exposed to things that you can't control with the possibility of coming into contact with sickness, hurt, danger, bad people...the list goes on and on.  Right after Olivia was born the fear and anxiety I had was so bad that I spoke to my ob/gyn about it and was diagnosed with post partum anxiety.  I knew that it was a mix of my hormones, having a new baby and no longer being able to protect her safely in my womb. 
I also knew that the severity of my PPA would pass but it would never fully go away. 
It wouldn't go away because there will always be new situations and experiences I'll have to face as a parent that will makes me a little uncomfortable... first day of daycare or school, leaving her with a new babysitter, letting someone else take her in their car, going to a friend's house... etc.  
I spoke to my mentor at church about this and she challenged me to trust in God and believe in His plan for us and our family.  Regardless if I want or even feel like I'm in control, the control is ultimately the Lord's.  For me, this was a hard concept to grasp.  Being a newly saved Christian, I lived the last 29 years of my life my way, by my rules and yes I believed in God but I never knew or had this deep of an understanding of what and how I was supposed to trust and rely on Him.  I've been challenging myself to really trust God in this area lately.  Taking steps to let go a little more and trust that His plan for us is perfect.  I know that life won't always be easy and there will be bad or unfortunate things that happen but in the grand scheme of things, it's part of His plan.  His plan for us is good, His heart is kind and He doesn't want to hurt me. 
I will worry every second of every day for the rest of my life about all things involving my daughter.  
My greatest love is walking around outside of me, a piece of my heart is on its own.  
You see so many horrible things happening around you, how can you not worry.  
It's just such a difficult balance to step away from my worldly fears and trust in Him, but I'm learning. 
What these families are going through is unimaginable to me. 
The fear, pain and heartache that I feel just from reading their stories scares me to death. 
What would I do if that was my daughter? 
Would I be able to handle it with grace and truly trust Jesus to help me through? 
Could I really step back and trust in God's great plan? 
I'm not really sure and I know it would be so, so difficult, but what I do know is that I absolutely would not be able to do it without Him.
...please pray for these families in this difficult time...


Melanie @ 4Kottez said...

Praying for sure.

bonbon said...

Thank you for this post. It's not always easy to know why certain things happen to certain people but I do know that faith in God is the key to everything. A great reminder to be grateful for our blessings. Just found your blog and have loved getting to know you better. I'm excited to follow along!

new follower :)