Monday, December 31, 2012

2013 = the year of no excuses

Like so many others making New Year’s resolutions, I'm jumping on the January 1st bandwagon to lose weight.  Let's back up a little bit so I can share more about me, my struggle with weight and where I've been before. 

I've struggled with my weight my entire life.  The only time I remember and actually have proof that I was a healthy weight was probably when I was around 4 or 5 years old.  I'm not even really sure what caused me to spiral out of control but I did and here I am.  I could make up a list of excuses and place the blame on a million different people or issues but I won’t because like it says above, this is going to be the year of no excuses.  In 2007 I had RNY Gastric Bypass surgery and lost over 200 lbs in a year and a half.  In December of 2009 I became pregnant and by the end of my pregnancy I had gained way too much weight.  I thought that I would lose it all and then some easily once I gave birth, but here I sit, 2+ years after having Olivia and I weigh more than I did when I was pregnant.  Unacceptable.

At this point it's not even about wanting to lose weight.  I have to.  There's no way that I can continue on the path I'm on and live my life to the fullest.  I feel like a horrible mother and wife because I know that I'm not the best example I can be for Olivia.  I'm so fearful of what the future holds if I don’t get up and do something about this now.  I'm afraid of tons of things.
...Olivia, embarrassed of me
...not being able to participate in activities with her because of my weight
...Olivia following in my footsteps
...dying
The list goes on and on.... it's overwhelming.

I'm definitely my own worst enemy.  My thought process when I think about dieting or changing my lifestyle is always a downward spiral of negativity.
I've failed before
Why bother
I'm so far behind
I have too much to lose
I'll never be skinny
I can't do this
Those are the things that always make me lose focus.  Those are the words I need to stop saying to myself. 

I'm super scared to be putting myself out here like this, publicly.  I'm scared that I'm going to fail and humiliate myself, I'm afraid that there won’t be any follow up posts about this because just like before I'll abandon the idea and go back to stuffing my face mindlessly and let myself slip further and further down this slippery slope of hopelessness. 

But, if I don’t start now then I don’t think I ever will.  ...and a month from now, I'll be glad I started now, a year from now I'll be even happier that I started a year ago.

I'm going to take "before" pictures tonight.  I may post them but I'm not sure.  It's embarrassing and I'm already feeling a bit nervous over hitting the publish button for this post. 
I doubt I'll share my weight on the internet but I will share how much I've lost in updates.  

I've been putting a lot of thought into what triggers me to snack or make poor choices and it's mostly boredom, habit and poor planning.  I plan on making the next day’s lunch during nap time in order to prepare ahead, if I feel like having a snack I need to be less impulsive and drink a bottle of water before eating anything and if I'm bored then I need to get moving. 

I need to remember that it won’t happen overnight, 
it's a journey and it's going to take a long time to reach the end. 

I feel like I have a little more support on my side this time around.  I have God.  I'm praying furiously for strength, determination, will power, motivation, positive thinking and anything else that I can think of. 

So there you have it.  My New Year's resolution.  The year of no excuses.  I'm both dreading it and looking forward to it all at the same time.  I scared out of my mind.

If you have any encouraging words or advice you'd like to offer, please do. 
If you've shared your own experience with losing weight then link me to your blog. 
I need all the support, prayers and encouragement I can get. 

Today is the last day of this me.  Tomorrow, the new Laura debuts.

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5 comments:

Julie Keys said...

You can do it. it will take time and it will be unpleasant but it will also be worth it! just keep moving. If you mess up and eat something you shouldnt the whole day isn't shot! forget that moment and continue the rest of the day ina healthy way! have 1 MEAL 1 day a week that is exactly what you want. for me it was Friday either lunch OR dinner. slow and steady wins the race! You can do it

Alesha said...

Way to go for putting yourself out there like that! I'll be praying for you on your journey. I recently wrote a post about setting goals and a valuable piece of advice I was given years ago. It was, "When you mess up once, don't worry about that. Just pick up and keep on going." I wrote about why this is hard for me to follow, but I just wasted to encourage you with it. Don't let one mistake send you into the downward spiral or "I've failed". Just say oops, and let it refuel your energy to work hard at it again. Praying for you!
Alesha <3
aleshablessed.com

Michelle Alzate said...

I have struggled with this since about 12 or so....and the advice i have is...make small changes. Eat smaller more frequent meals/snacks. Snacking is ok just the right snacks and in moderation. We always need to remember that eating habits is 75% the battle. Working out is great but i would focus more on what you eat. Im not at my ideal weight either (2 years later) but if u need help, advice, or a gym buddy i go to wow in north providence (they have babysitting til 8pm!!) You know how to reach me :)

kerwin said...

Very inspiring! In addition to stopping and drinking water before snacking/eating, I recommend you print this wonderful post out and read it! You need to remember this feeling you have right now because it is likely you will lose steam! I think being accountable on your blog will do great things. Good luck!!! We are rooting for you!

Jess @ Wrangling Chaos said...

Some days you'll eat terribly.

Some days you won't work out.

Just try to not have those things happen on the same day. I figure if I can do one or the other for myself, every day, then it's an inch closer to my goal of health and fitness.

Also? Small challenges. Like mine for January. It's the 30 day shred every day, no matter what. It's drinking nothing but water (and coffee at home), no matter what.

For me it's about taking away the choices, moment by moment. I'm not going to eat the chocolate because I don't HAVE it here to get into. If I want it, then I have to go out and buy a single serving from the gas station.

You CAN do this.